i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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