K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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