bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
