omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
