There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
