Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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