No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
