I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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