somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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