During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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