i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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