pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
