On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize