would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
