I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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