i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
