I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
