I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
