is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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