...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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