the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
