i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
