So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
