thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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