bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
