Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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