What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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