I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
