Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize