so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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