matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
