Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a beard to bite.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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