your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
