I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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