here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize