You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
