i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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