oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
