At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
