there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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