I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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