Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize