Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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