Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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