I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
only if we run a train.
done.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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