If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
