Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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