Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
