he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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