I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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