I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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