I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
