I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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