I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
