I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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