Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
