So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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