i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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