the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
