You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
