She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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