You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
