Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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