Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize