The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
