from now on my penis is your penis
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm getting married
To pizza
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize