well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize