Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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